YOU…US…THEM – Marriage Out Loud

You know those moments when you hear something that you know will change your life forever? You know, that Oprah “aha moment” type thing. Well, I just had that moment. Tisha Campbell-Martin (from the tv shows Martin, Dr. Ken, The Real Husbands of Hollywood , School Daze etc.) was on one of my favorite talk shows, The Real, and the ladies were discussing the recent break-up of Gwen and Gavin (so sad, they were so beautiful together). The demise of of their marriage was allegedly due to Gavin’s lack of self-control with the nanny ( who reminds me of a younger Gwen). Side note: My personal opinion about nannies is this, I will never hire someone so fine that she blows his mind every time she walks in the room. I’m hiring a grandma. I’m just saying. Tisha and her husband Duane have been together for 25 years. Before they had children, Duane said this: ……get ready…..mind blown…..in 3…2….1…. YOU FIRST,…..then US,….. then TOGETHER we raise THEM! BOOM…drops the mic. I know it sounds so simple, but it is profound to me.

Duane said that if your well is dry, then you won’t have anything to give us and this makes so much sense to me. I feel like I’ve been wandering in a desert, dying of thirst the last few months. I’m on autopilot and doing all the things I need to, but without any joy. In true transparency, I’ve been a little bitchy too. My fuse is short and I don’t blame it on whats really going on, but on everything else. It’s been so long since I’ve thought about me or doing the things that fill my tank. I don’t know the last time I worked out or salsa danced. I haven’t watched a movie or enjoyed the company of friends in a very long time. We don’t have a lot of extra money to spare these days so I’ve thrown those things out of the window. You know what? Even though I can’t have the sweet boxing membership anymore, I can go outside and run. I also can’t tear up the salsa club these days, but I can put my playlist on Spotify and dance like no one is watching. Lunch dates with friends can turn into cheap coffee dates and movie theatre runs can now be finding the most obscure movie on Netflix and enjoying it. I’ve decided at this very moment to water my own lawn. I need to give myself the time I deserve, whether that be finding it by waking up early or going to bed late. I must find the time, otherwise I will drown in a sea of quick sand and never find my way out. It’s ME time baby and then I’ll be better for US and together WE can raise HIM!

What things do you enjoy just for YOU? Do you agree with Tisha? Share your secrets below!

And just for kicks…Gwen’s new single about Gavin