Janet: I Got Some Feedback, Feedback Uh

Completing something on your bucket list should be an amazing feeling right? I’ve been in love with Janet Jackson since a little girl. I remember being in my room for 3 hours rehearsing every move to her Janet World Tour and my mom yelling upstairs at me for “shaking the house” (I still know the choreography from the “If” video like for realz. I could have been Tina Landon). As I sang every song this past Friday night and breathed the same air as Janet, I realized that this was a dream come true…but then came to my senses because this was ya grandma’s show! Here is my review of the “Unbreakable Tour”.

-No matter who you are or where you’re from, we can all agree on one thing: Janet Jackson is an icon. She is a DANCE machine, sexy and timid, wild yet with this “next door BFF quality”. We all thought we were her friend at one point but the show I saw last Friday was not the Janet I grew up on. This show felt like cheering on your grandma in the middle of the family reunion when she was doing the snake. Sure, you were pumped for grandma, yelling “get it, get it”, secretly saying to yourself,  “awe good for her, she can still move” and at the end of the day its cute but not a performance of a lifetime. Janet has become that grandma: Exhibit A” Janet If “! You better dance “If” full out next time Janet! She even sang on a stool which I ain’t hating BUT it was a 90 minute show J…no breaks! Her heart didn’t seem in it at ALL!

-Oh that wasn’t a typo. Janet’s set was 90 minutes. She sang 32 songs in an hour and a half, which means she sang 5 words from almost every song in her catalog. “Let’s wait awhile..before…BLACK CAT, BLACK CAT, 1,2,3,4….guitar….If I was your girl”. That’s basically the show folks. I’m not exaggerating here. Right when she said “like a moth to a flame”, she was onto “and you don’t know what you got til its gone”. I mean, she even let J. Cole rap a whole verse and he wasn’t even there. That was precious time Janet, precious precious time since you only gave us 90 minutes baby girl. I mean Bey gave me 3 hours, ok! I know you’re a little older, but The Minions movie was longer than your concert full of medleys. That’s just wrong.

-Janet looked like she was gonna pass out. She was covered from head to toe in 80 degree weather. No fancy outfit changes (she usually does like 6-8), no theatrics (you can at least wear the Rhythm Nation hat or an earring key or something), no amazing set (2 steps ya’ll….nuff said…I know it was at PNC BUT come on son), a small band (her background singer out sang the mess out of her. Now it was the sound man’s job to take care of that but Janet needs to handle her like Olivia Pope), bout 8 dancers…thats all ya got. Now I know some thangs have changed and you’re married now and can’t be all “If I was yo girl” anymore BUT make it little more flashy PLEASSSEEE. We need something. Yeah one outfit and sneakers was it.  Uhhhh no!

(She’s smiling but INSIDE dying of sweat and dehydration. Get the girl some water, no wonder she’s only up there 90 minutes…10 Chainzzzzzz)

-Janet can you talk to us? You said two words the entire time, “Heyyyyyyy Charlotteeeee”. Um thats it. Crickets. No interaction, no coming to the crowd to shake a few hands, no solos from the audience. At least give the girl in the front row a chance to bring down “Again” (hold meeee, hold meeee, don’t ever let me go).  I feel sorry for the front row. She just stood back in her space booties and danced a little. Ya’ll paid way too much money for those seats. Get on my level and do the lawn next time she’s in town!

-My last and most important point is this, I will forever be a JANET fan despite this lackluster show. Like I said earlier, breathing the same air as her was a dream fulfilled because she is one of my favorite artists of all time. She is “Janet Ms. Jackson “if ya nasty. Maybe I should just be happy she made a new album at all. Maybe I should be overjoyed I got to see her after the failed attempt a few years ago when she had “vertigo” and cancelled her show an hour before the lights went up. Maybe I should remember Janet is not 30 anymore and been through some things (we not gonna talk about Rene’ Elizondo or her money problems and let’s just leave Jermaine Dupri out of THIS conversation).

I learned something from this experience! I’m now more realistic about things on my bucket list. I think I may be fearless and all down to skydive and that it would be super fun but in reality I may just sh*t my pants. Cheers to bucket lists and dreams fulfilled no matter how  underwhelming!

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